I've been blessed with a lovely family. My soul mate has been extremely loving and supportive through everything, and my son is a true gift and blessing. Both have kept me going through the hard times I've been experiencing. I am so grateful for both of them. They are my world. They are my life.
My brothers, sister and their partners have also been very supportive and helpful. They've been trying to keep my spirits up without making me like some sort of a total freak. (If you've ever been sick and been treated 'differently', you know exactly what I mean.)
My Dad has passed on, but I know he supports me in spirit.
My Mom... well, she tries to be helpful. But without choosing to understand what I'm going through, she's been a bit of challenge. She doesn't believe in doctors and calls my psychiatrist a witch doctor. Sigh. Unfortunately, in her efforts to be helpful, she can sometimes be a bit passive-aggressive, and she makes me feel guilty for being sick.
My friends? I have wonderful friends, but since I started trying to balance motherhood with working long hours, they've taken a back seat. I've slowly started to share my situation with them, and those who I have told have been extremely supportive. For me, it's brutally hard to share what I'm going through with people. I've been trying to be perfect for so long, that I'm terrified of not being accepted. Stupid considering my friends are truly wonderful, loving, non-judgemental people.
I've been isolating myself. And, the more I hide under the metaphorical covers, the more frightened I am of people and the more I want to hide. Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from social anxiety. People scare me. I feel awkward, like I don't fit in. And, now that I've been depressed, I feel even more self-conscious and alone. Everything I say - or write - seems to come out wrong, and I find myself alienating people. Then, this fear overcomes me, and I don't want to see anyone anymore. I just don't feel like I belong anywhere... other than here... hiding from the world.
I could have written that final paragraph. How I wish we lived closer to each other: I bet we would rise to the occasion and leave our homes just to drag each other outdoors. As it is, we'll have to support each other from afar.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that you've got lots of supportive people around you -- not that it's at all surprising, considering the fact that kind people tend to have kind friends.
Thanks for your support! I'm here for you too!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm sad that you're experiencing similiar issues to me, I'm so relieved that we can chat and be open about our respective situations. It is a very lonely place to be, when the world doesn't seem safe any more. Thank you for helping me feel safe.