Am I so broken that I'll never be fixed?

I ask myself this question, often in tears. 

Cymbalta is supposed to be one of the best medications out there to treat depression.  But, it didn't work for me.

My lab work came back 'normal'.  That means that unlike a broken bone, it's not just something that can be fixed with an easy solution.

My psychologist, as lovely as she is, can't do much more than offer suggestions and listen patiently to my tales of woe.  Unfortunately, if I'm not strong enough or ready to follow-through, the best therapists won't make a difference.

The naturopath is also quite nice.  But, I'm not convinced she'll be able to help out.

My doctor has been super-understanding and helpful.  But, he knows he's out of his range for me.

The one thing I don't want to do is damage my child because of the demons I fight everyday.  A friend of mine spent his life depressed and unwilling to better himself in life because his father had killed himself on his birthday.  Unfortunately, the then 10ish little boy was the one who found him hanging in the garage.  Then, there was the mother of four who, after years of struggling with depression, killed herself.  Her children said that they knew she was very sick and realised she was in a better place.  I don't want to be either of these parents.

But how do I fix this?  I AM trying.  Without positive internal positive reinforcement, I can't seem to move forward.  I can't seem to help myself.

I am doing the best I can for my son.  I take him to a day home for most weekdays, take him to parks and read to him all the time.  I'm often on the floor with him, playing with his toys or listening to his stories.  I'm going through the motions in an attempt to protect him from knowing the battle I face every day.  I don't want him to ever think this is his fault.  And, I always want him to know his Mommy loves him... Even though the feeling doesn't connect to my heart.  It does connect to my soul somewhere...