Saturday 7 January 2012

Realisations...

Yesterday, while I was at my Mom's, she was trying to make a point with my son and kept comparing him to the other kids at his day home... Then I realised all these comparisons throughout my life (and comments like, "What will the neighbours/other people think?") might have contributed to my fear of judgement and social anxiety. Now, I have to figure out a way to stop this pattern with my child, especially when he's around my mother.

I also realised part of my problem might be a lack of problem-solving skills... part of my up-bringing.  My mother has this habit of trying to look at everything with rose-coloured glasses. Not entirely a bad thing.  But when you gloss over things that are bad in life, you don't learn how to cope with them.  You learn to ignore and bury. Not a technique that should be encouraged.  Problems do exist. Pain does exist. I think it's better to confront and deal with them, so you can move on... and not have to stay still. 

There's a blog that I periodically read and I find it irritating... (The couple are friends of friends, so I won't post it here). Everything in their lives is "perfect". No temper-tantrums from their kids (both under five), no potty-training issues, the kids are super-smart and clever, cute photos are consistently posted, even major financial and health issues are glossed over.  (I have no idea how they make ends meet with their lifestyle and one income). The on-line world they've created is an illusion (it would be unnatural if it wasn't)... This is how they want to be perceived. I'm sure you've seen similar blogs or Facebook updates where people only post the 'too good to be true all the time' things.

I think there's a real danger to not admitting problems - especially around kids... Real life can be beautiful and wonderful, but there are challenges and knowing how to deal with them completes the magic of life. Life would be dull if everything were perfect. (Although, I wouldn't mind some 'perfection' here...LOL).

So, the long-winded lessons of the day are:
  • Stop comparing yourself (and your kids) to others. Everyone has a different life path, different talents and skills and different experiences. Be true to yourself and allow others to do the same.
  • Don't gloss over problems. They exist, and they need to be addressed. Work towards making your world a better place - not by ignoring life - but by tackling challenges head-on.

 

8 comments:

  1. Hi DMom I've posted you several times over the past year. Just to let you know i recently tried Saint John's Wort and am quite 'pleased with the results' to date. I wld not try another pharmaceutical unless neccessary but this seems to be doing something. If you've been on an SSRI, you need to ween off it first or you may get 'serotonin syndrome'. The research shows that it increases numerous neurotransmitters, by inhibiting them. I'd try it first then you can always go back to the 'pharma' industry if necessary. Hard to explain, i feel more hopeful, I watched 3 movies last night one after the other - unheard of for me, a 30 min serial and i'm looking around me bored stiff, no my PC, reading a book cannot concentrate so this was a BIG first. Try it first after weening off the pharma you're on and see how you get on. All the reports I've read about it are promising, you may get fatigue, but then take it at night or change brands - I'll keep you posted on my updates - after 12 yrs on with this dreadful anhedonia I HAD to do something so taking SJW was scarey for me after my last anhedonic hell from being on an ssri but the effects are different!

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  2. Thanks for your comments. I'd really like to try something more holistic, and I thought my naturopath was on the right path. Unfortunately, because I am on long term disability, I need doctor's notes to continue receiving benefits (i.e. $$ for survival). I can't return to work because I can't concentrate... It feels like this horrible circle. I wish things were different... That I could choose my treatment approach and still receive the benefits we need to survive. FRUSTRATING...

    I'm so glad you're making progress, though. Now that is wonderful news and a light at the end of this tunnel. Please keep me posted.

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  3. Out of curiousity, though, can you feel negative emotion or anziety?

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  4. For most of the past 12 yrs, no, I kept my head down and just got on with my work, which I did from home but have been unemployed since March 2010. If I have to attend a 'social' 'enjoyable' event I get a little anxiety and then some -ve emotion, as I get sooo frustrated with the total realisation that I cannot enjoy myself. Being with family/friends or social situ's makes it worse for me as you then realise how bad you actually are - i wld be anxoius and negative more so if I thought about the situ all the time, but I just go about like a robot. Every second, minute, day, the exact same - xmas, the NY mean nothing, it's just the same old, same old.

    But it is early days for me with SJW, but I've realised I HAVE to do something about this, I suppose it's helped to let me realise how bad I actually was/am. Even if it only tides me through so that I can get a positive enough attitiude to get an exercise regime going and diet change,etc that will be worth it. Anhedonia, has so little research carried out and I do not believe the medical profession understand 'how bad' it actually is. Depression, for me in the past, was something you could move away from esp. if the stressor was removed, but this occurs on it's own - no stressor required and when you cannot enjoy anything is so hard to get an actual remedy to remove it!

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  5. You're right about the lack of information about this illness... I've looked, and I keep going back to the same resources. That's one of the reasons I started this blog. It's impossible to explain this blankness... this inability to concentrate... This lack of experiencing life and positive emotion. I would love to get a functional MRI done - just to see what is going on with my brain. I would love to find a solution. Lately, it's been so bad, I can't even motivate myself to go to the gym. I even avoided a party at my Mother-In-law's house for fear... well fear. You know you don't fit in, and you don't quite connect... And that makes things worse.

    And, then even the things that I MUST do are a struggle, and I get exhausted from even trying. I wish there were solutions out there.

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    1. I really hope this SJW works. I do feel slightly more real, if anything i realise how bad i was/am and that's better than the robotic existance. I am going to TRY to get into aerobic exercise next week as from what I've read walks will not do it as they do not kick in the HPA axis, i.e. to raise my adrenaline/cortisol etc..., but 25-30 plus of aerobic exercise will and I think that's a main part of anhedonia, the HPA axis not kicking in properly in addition to changes to receptors throughout the body/brain, all of which aerobic exercise can change. Anytime, (in desperation) that I have searched antidepressants - although I will not take any - in the hope that one may work/ed for somebody EVERY time and it dosen't matter if it was an SSRI, TCA, one of the newer ADs, illegal drugs, cocaine, you name it - they all say the same thing - well my depression went but I was left totally anhedonic, could not enjoy anything anymore with no feelings just like a robot. So anhedonia, IMO does not have to be associated with depression at all, to me it is a biological mysfunction of the body which of course interacts with the brain. Well, that's my take on things at the moment, I have yet to find anyone through internet searching and some people have taken every antidepressant ever made, who have gotten rid of anhedonia - if that was their original problem.

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    2. I forgot to mention that I have also increased my thyroid dosage - been on it for years, but have kept if at an 'in the blood test range' for the past 10 yrs, whereas before I would have been slightly higher - it may also be contributing to me felling slightly better and more hopefu. Have you had your thyroid tested?

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  6. My thyroid's been tested,and like you, I am in the normal range. I do like the excercise angle, but unfortunately I haven't been able to keep up my schedule. I just haven't had the energy to go... I've been too distracted.

    My fingers are crossed that the SJW and excercise combination works for you. 12 years is a long time to feel like a ghost or robot. It's horrible.

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