This is not what I had envisioned...

As a child, dreaming of my future, I always pictured wonderful career with travel (and me writing... writing... writing), a husband who is my shining soul mate, beautiful kids and being tremendously happy. Tremendously happy.

Part of that is true. I'm with my soul mate and have the most precocious precious son a Mommy could ask for. I'm madly in love with the two men in my life.  But the rest, wasn't as I planned.

If  my teenage, or young self, could have predicted this, they would have been horrified.  I have  become my worst nightmare... Well, not quite. If I gained 100 pounds, took up smoking and drinking diet Coke all day, THAT would be my worst nightmare.

I never wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom... Not that there is anything wrong with that... Because I've seen many ways that stay-at-home Mom's make it work and embrace their inner spirit, continuing to be who they are and blooming.  But, it's not in my nature to be one of them. My nature is more outside the home. Thankfully, we can still afford to send my son to a day home.  It makes my life easier - especially with all the appointments. And, it helps me feel less guilty for not 'being there' as much as I feel I should be for my son.

Now that I'm 42 (or will be soon), I want to have a life I am proud to be living, instead of cowering at home. Ineffective. Embarrassed to be who I am. Embarrassing.

How do I get my life back on track? Be the person I was meant to be?