I am sad...

... and I don't know if that's a bad thing.

After a couple of months of experiencing NO emotion, I'm starting to feel stuff... Like anxiety about leaving the comfort of my home. Or sadness. The kind of dull sadness that makes you want to weep at the drop of a hat. Weep - not the hysterical cry of a person grieving - just the whimpers of someone who is almost uncertain about how to feel.

This could be a good thing. Maybe I am starting to be ready to deal with all of issues that lead to me becoming this way.  Really. I mean how could I - who had everything anyone could ask for - a wonderful husband and child, a successful career, a beautiful home (in progress, but still...), and adventures at her fingertips - have sunk so deep and become a ghost, wandering through a world, unable to feel or make a difference. Maybe I 'need' to feel sad to confront these demons - to move out of this darkness.

Of course, this new found sadness could be because of a combination of things... I'm supposed to go for a psychological evaluation... which I'd like to do, but I'm scared to do (I still haven't called the psychologist's office back). Or maybe it's because I have to complete a form that says I'm not fit to do any work (this would be for my line of credit insurance). Or maybe, my medication is starting to be ineffective.  Or, the other possibility, PMS.

Don't know.

All I know is that I just want to crawl into a ball and ignore the world. Can I do that?