Yup... Today's the day I visit my new psychiatrist. And, I have to admit, I'm feeling a bit anxious about it.
What if she doesn't believe that I'm depressed? I can present as 'normal' sometimes... a facade, I know. But what if she doesn't see behind the mask I wear.
What if she doesn't actually listen to me? And, I get stuck with someone who doesn't end up helping me, but harming me - like the first psychiatrist I saw.
What if I get lost on the way there? Really. I'm not entirely sure where the office is despite our dear friend, Google Maps. (And, yes, you can laugh at this...it's funny 'cause it's true).
What if I get distracted about why I'm going there? My Aunt is dying, and I spent all day yesterday at the hospital with her family. I'm feeling weary and tired. And overwhelmed. My relationship with my Aunt has always been a bit - shall we say - uncomfortable. In some ways, I have her to 'thank' - at least in part - to my current situation. It's a long story. I'm sure I could write an entire blog or book about it. Needless to say, there are some situations that will remain unresolved and an understanding of her never found.
Will the new psychiatrist put me into a straight jacket and stick me into the hospital? Seriously. I mean what if she wants to put me away because I haven't got better - and in some ways have become worse off than I was two years ago...
Sigh. I guess these things will be resolved today. At least, I hope they will.
You're not the only one feeling this way. I too just recently started seeing a new psychiatrist, and I had many of the same feelings. I would add to that list: What if I got the time completely wrong, and she thinks I'm an idiot? Maybe that one is just me.
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