Sorry, it's been a while since I've written in this blog. I've been feeling gloomy lately, and that can be a very dull read.
Life has been feeling overwhelming, and I've been trying to resist hibernating, hiding from the world. I'm tired. Tired of fighting, tired of being. But, still I push forward (slowly), for the sake of my son and husband.
I'm very grateful to have been seeing a counsellor, who is part of the local distress line. Thankfully, there's no cost to me, and she's been one of the best gifts I could ask for. She pushes (gently) and allows me to share without fear of judgement. She's provided a couple of suggested readings and website links I thought I'd share with you:
Self- Compassion http://self-compassion.org/
The Gifts of Imperfection: http://www.amazon.ca/The-Gifts-Imperfection-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1358280023&sr=8-1
I now have an appointment with a psychiatrist. I sincerely hope she is better than the last one. Of course, I'll keep you posted.
I'm also trying to practise gratitude daily. By expressing thanks for situations, people, things - the gifts that enter your life - everyday, you change your neuropathways (even if you can't tell right away) and re-learn how to focus on the positive. It feels insincere to express gratitude, especially when I'm feeling blue. But, I will continue to do so until it doesn't feel insincere, until I feel it in my heart.
Despite being tired of the fight, I will continue, and I urge those going through a tough time to push through as well. Please keep hoping. Even though it might not be apparent, there is a light (even if it's just a pin-prick right now) at the end of the tunnel.
I stumbled upon this article about a woman who believes that being kidnapped saved her life. At 10 years old, she was a victim of horrific abuse, then kidnapped for 17 days. When she was rescued, she was moved out of the abusive environment where she was living and into foster care, where she was nurtured and treated with respect. She now is happily married with children wants to become a motivational speaker. I'd go see her.
The lesson? Remember, you never know when or how something extremely negative - like what I and some of you are going through - will turn into a positive. Just hang in there and try to find the light in the darkness.